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02 February 2012 @ 02:43 pm
So I recently watched a documentary of the same name and it got me wondering. Why was I circumcised?

The documentary focused on a dutch man in his forties wondering why, like I'm sure many circumcised guys do, why it was done to him as an infant. What the reasons were for his parents essentially unnecessarily cutting off an otherwise healthy part of their baby boy.

I found out many adult males are actually angry at their parents for making this decision, even to the point that some have completely cut their parents out of their lives.

I started to get annoyed with my parents' decision and by the end of the short film, I found myself actually angry with them. Immediately I contacted male friends telling them about this and became irritated with them when they didn't share the same type of ferocity towards the issue. Two of them simply said "Why don't you ask your mom about it?"

Of course I said I couldn't for various reasons. I couldn't talk to my mother about what she had done to my penis as a newborn. Talking to my mother about that was simply out of the question. Eventually, I realized that I'm a 23 year old man and my mother is a veteran medical professional. In fact, I don't think I could have a better parent to talk to about the subject.

So I casually asked her during a visit to my parents' house the other night. No snickering happened, or dismissal of the topic. She just looked at me and said "I'm suprised you've never asked me this before." Without a hitch, she immediately started in on why.

She started off by saying "its actually kind of an interesting story."

My pediatrician, who was a gruff Englishman was actually angry at her for wanting to do it to me. He said "why on Earth would you want to do that do a perfectly healthy baby boy?! I hope you know, I'll charge you for it." She explained that she had her reasons for wanting the procedure done and he replied "well, if you're that cock-sure (no pun intended) about it, you're holding him down while we do it."

So in a couple of seconds, it was over. The doctor looked at her and said. "I'm glad you didn't back down to me. I was testing you to see if you had a proper reason for doing this and not simply for an aesthetic reason."

She said "but to actually answer your question, it was based on my research at the time of increased cancer cases in uncircumcised males and even cases of cervical cancer in their long-term female partners." "The other reason, is because I've seen men forced to have an adult circumcision due to unforeseen medical conditions and I never wanted you to risk going through something that excruciating."

She finished by saying "I hope you don't hold any animosity towards me. I didn't make the decision half-heartedly, I realized it would affect you for the rest of your life and at the time, I probably wouldn't have done it any other way."

I think the only reason I was angry is because I've, like I'm sure many other guys like me, have always been curious about what it would be like to be intact. For me, I think it had nothing to do with my mother and was just another thing about my body that I found undesirable in my own eyes and this was the perfect reason to blame someone else for it.

I got the answer I realized I was looking for, that it wasn't for an aesthetics or that it was just a quick decision without any proper reason.

I also learned that I should never be uncomfortable asking my mother something, that she will always be able to answer me to the best of her abilities without censorship or a demeaning attitude.

I definitely encourage you all to try the same, whatever the topic may be.
As you all know, I’m currently living in Lethbridge, Alberta; as I have for the past 23 years of my life. I have not travelled that much, but out of the few places I’ve been, the lower tip of Vancouver Island has grabbed my heart in a way that no other place has. I feel that in order to properly spread the word of God, I believe that its necessary for me to live in the city of Victoria and attend one of the most expensive and exclusive post-secondary institutions in Canada.

Now, because Jesus provides everything for us that we need, I feel that everything will be okay. However, the initial cost to relocate to Victoria and attend the University that He wants me to attend is around $44,000, as well as my current student debt which carries $17,850. I believe that our Lord God wishes that we live the best life that we can, so I’ve also priced out a few necessary vehicles so I can properly and efficiently spread the word of Jesus Christ.

I’ve decided to not be greedy and select only one, which happens to be a 2012 BMW M3. I realize the Pope drives a Mercedes, so if I have to, I will most certainly consider a model of that brand. So I can follow in the footsteps of the Holy Father.
I believe Jesus does not want me to lease because that’s not a Christian way of purchasing a car, so the full additional cost of said vehicle will be around $75,000.

If anyone feels inclined to help me along my journey with Jesus Christ, please feel free to donate to my PayPal account. If you donate, I will not actually express my gratitude to you, but instead I will simply express my gratitude to God for the financial help he supplied me.

Thank you for your support in my journey to spread the word of God.
(And to also live a sweet life from your anonymous donations)
10 January 2011 @ 11:47 am
This snowy January day marked the beginning of my last semester in Lethbridge College. Well... Not really. I failed one class for sure and probably another. I've not been able to bring myself to check out the official grades. I get that nasty sick feeling in my stomach when I even think about it.

This also is the crunch time to find a new place to live, an internship and a real job. I have no idea what I'm going to do. Fuuuuck, feeling really hopeless right now.

I don't know what to do now. To cope I'm just keeping to myself, drinking a lot and being really really anti-social. I'm 22 years old, how is it that I haven't grown up yet? I still live with my parents, for fuck's sake.

I joked around the other day with a co-worker about just working hard enough to save like 500 dollars so we can buy a 9mm handgun and blow our faces off. I don't know if that's such a joke anymore.
Current Location: Lethbridge College
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
17 December 2010 @ 05:56 pm
Okay, so this has been on my mind a lot more lately. Everyone knows my feelings about the existance and practises of gay groups. That's a dead horse that I beat mercilessly anytime I open my mouth. But as of lately, I've come into contact with a new individual that takes my feelings to a whole new level. I assure you, not in a good way either.

So here's the deal. I'm not going to mention any names, for obvious reasons. So all Im going to say that she is a female and I work with her.

So I've thought she was always kind of.. well... an idiot. But a really nice girl and harmless nonetheless. I don't have very high opinions of people when I first meet them, but they usually develop into something better soon after. This girl is in no way like that. She's a lost cause, really. But she's nice, so for that reason I think that I feel the need to be nice to her and put up with her stupid lies and stories.

She entered a whole different game the other day. Lately, she's been bringing people into work that are, let's just say, less than fond of me. Whatever, no big deal. Except its everynight. Also annoying. Now I'm really starting to see some twisted alterior motive in her personality.

I recieved a texts message from her the other day. (She obtains people's cell phone numbers off of the store phone list) Asking why I didn't get along with a particular individual she frequents the store with. I simply replied that it was a long time ago and that it was a long explanation. Still persisted. Now I was starting to get a little more annoyed. I asked her why she needed to know. The next reply I got from her made something snap inside me.

"But I live off of gay drama, lol."

Yes, I might be feeding the flames even more by getting worked up by it, feeding her fire, you might say. But I will admit that I have many chips on my shoulder. This is a big one. But "gay drama?" I'm not a reality show. My life is not "The A List" or "Will and Grace."

Now for whatever reason, this girl has decided to become the phenomenon known as a "fag hag." These people are seen as both a best friend as well as a huge pain in the ass. They start drama, poke love triangles and they absoloutley love it when people fight.

Grouping me in with all the other gay people is a bad idea. I don't know what to do other than just ignore her. But when she texts my stolen number (and that's what it is, I did not give it to her) i just start to rage inside. Little mind games she plays, and like I said before, this girl is an idiot. So you can see through her like a window.

I know the games, I can play them too. But I feel a little better getting this little rant out.
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
22 November 2010 @ 10:30 pm
November 21st, 2010
9:45 p.m.

I've been packing for a couple of days now, slipping further into my reclusive behaviour. Normally I leave my packing to the last minute, getting it all done the night before I leave. But that's usually when I'm coming back in a few days. This time, I don't know when I'm coming back... If ever. So picking the appropriate things to throw in one suitcase is really difficult. I haven't told anyone about my trip. Not my parents, my school or my friends. I gave two weeks notice to my resignation at work, hopefully I'll be able to work at the same place when I get there.

I've been thinking about this for a long time, I even told my best friend about my plan back in mid-November. He quickly dismissed it as a stupid idea. Sure, it may be stupid. But is it any worse than how people here live? Constantly wishing they were somewhere else, but too scared to actually go through with it. I guess you could say I'm running away. You could also say I'm being selfish. I am.

November 22nd, 2010
6:15 a.m.

I've always hated... and I mean HATED taking the bus. But leaving my car behind is a sacrifice I know I had to make. I'll probably barely afford to live, let alone own a car as well. Plus, Amanda really needs a new vehicle and as long as she can learn to drive standard, it will be a good vehicle for her.

So because of this, I will be travelling to Calgary ala Greyhound. From there, my flight leaves connecting at Pearson before arriving at O'Hare. I'm terrified. But all the best things in life start out like that, right?

November 22nd, 2010
8:00 a.m.

I've just now passed into the city limits. Its really cold today, which makes me worry about what its going to be like in Chicago. I'm starting to think that my city choice was a bad thing. Calgary looks somewhat beautiful from the bus window. I remember coming over this hill, seeing the skyline off in the distance when I was a little kid. I used to think the drive here took so long, now it seems like only a short commute. This is the last time I'm going to see this city, at least for a while.

November 22, 2010
9:55 a.m.

Sitting in the Terminal now. I filmed a video with my phone yesterday, saying a short gooodbye, letting people know how they can contact me. I didn't specifically say where I'm going, only that I'll be staying in North America. I'm going to post it to YouTube before I have to board.
I just realized I've had my phone turned off all morning. Just turned it on to find a couple of missed texts. Nothing really. In some feeling of self-worth I expected to find more than that. Oh well.

November 22nd, 2010
2:00 p.m.
I'm now in the terminal at Pearson. There's a huge "Welcome to Toronto" sign when you get off the plane. I remember how excited I was when I visited Toronto last year and saw that sign. Now I 'm excited because it means I'm that much further from home. Flight is boarding soon, gotta go. My stomach is turning like you wouldn't believe.

I'm really starting to feel like an asshole. I'm worried that ontop of dealing with other family problems, my mom will have to now deal with all the stuff I left behind. On the other hand, no more burdensome 21 year old to deal with.

November 22nd, 2010
6:00 p.m.

For the first time this entire trip, I've started to feel happy. Seeing this view shows me that there is a new city, with new people for me to embark on. It also shows me that Chicago will be fucking cold.

Even the airport is beautiful. When I stepped off the plane into arrivals, I was stunned at how unique it looked.

I'm going to get a cab, and head downtown. Hopefully I can locate a Hostel or something.

I just want to see what I've gotten myself into. See if this city is as beautiful as they say it is.

November 22nd, 2010
10:00 p.m.

It really is...

Looked at my phone again. One text from a friend:

"Hey, are you up to anything tonight?"

"Yeah, I'm changing my life."
Current Location: Chicago, Illinois
03 November 2010 @ 11:48 am
There's just that feeling I get when I'm in an airport, especially when I can look at the departures board, point to it and say "I'm going there today." You might think that I'm going somewhere tropical, or somewhere that begins with a 14 hour plane flight. But in fact, my flight is only about an hour and a half, not even leaving the country.

I'm going to Vancouver. Home of the 2010 Olympic Winter Games and the largest concentration of immigrants in Canada. Its known for its beaches and temperate climate, even able to grow palm trees throughout the city. Even one of the world's largest urban parks is here, Stanley Park.

Its late October and Vancouver is well into its "winter weather." Now, winter here is much different than any other place in Canada. Instead of snowing in the city, it just drizzles for about four months. This sounds horrible, but believe me, its not. When you first walk out into the street, you'll probably hear the noise of traffic sloshing through water and the rapid tapping as big west-coast raindrops bounce off your umbrella. Its fantastic. I know everyone says they love the rain, but Vancouver rain is so different to me. Usually when it rains in the prairies, there is an 80 kilometer an hour wind accompanying it, effectively turning an umbrella into a mangled mass of aluminum and shredded vinyl. But not here. There will be a light breeze, blowing fresh-smelling Pacific air into your face, but its almost never a battle. You also don't really get a chance to purposefully walk in the rain in the prairies. What I mean is, that you don't walk anywhere when you live in a place like Calgary.

You do a lot of walking in this city. If you want to actually see the city, that is. The road systems in Vancouver are confusing, not anything like the structured little grid systems we have in Alberta. Parking is horrible, and owning a car in general here is just a pain. So walk the city. Walk the seawall, down Robson and Burrard. See the nightlife on Davie and West Cordova. There are so many little shops and unique restaurants you'll never see from a car.

I always find myself just standing there, looking out at the ocean and the skyline, sighing deeply is second nature while I'm gawking at the beauty. In the back of my mind, though, I know I have to go home soon which depresses me so much. I try not to let it ruin my time, and the city helps me with that, but I can't wait for the day I can be here; I want it in the worst possible way.

To just be able to pick up and move is a big dream of mine. I see other people do it all the time and I always wonder, "why can't I just suck it up and do it too?"

It would be expensive, I know that. And I'd have to sell my car. I realize everything I have to do to get there. But why haven't I?

Do I secretly love Lethbridge? God, I hope not.

I keep telling myself "soon, Ryan, you'll be there." But when's soon? I feel like I'm a small child asking my adult self "are we there yet?"

Anyways, if you haven't.... Visit Vancouver, VanCity, Hong-Couver, whatever you want to call it.

You'll fall in love, I guarantee it... And maybe one day you'll call it "home."

Oh yeah... here's some pictures.....

October 31st surfer on Third Beach.

Lion's Gate Bridge; connecting West Van to Downtown

West Van from Third Beach

Downtown West End, looking west at English Bay.
Current Location: Canada, Lethbridge
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
You’ve just pulled into a parking space at the mall and as I notice you get out of your Cadillac CTS-V, or your Chevelle SS; you start rolling your eyes in annoyance that, god forbid, someone should compliment you on the fine vehicle you’re driving. This is something I’ve never understood. I mean sure, if I was to ask you to drive the thing then, yeah, I’d understand your annoyance. But the simple fact is I’m not going to ask that, or even ask to sit in it. I would just like to give you a compliment as we pass, ask a few questions about how it handles or what the acceleration is like, maybe even get a little technical; but you don’t want to talk about it for some reason. Like you’re ashamed of the fact you own a sedan that does the Nürburgring in under eight minutes. I have two theories why people might snub someone asking about their car.

Number one, it’s not theirs. This happens when maybe the husband or wife of a car-lover has somehow gained the opportunity to drive their spouse’s much superior vehicle. Possibly it’s a teenage male trying to impress girls at his high school with his dad’s Camaro and really doesn’t want to talk to some other guy about it when he could be trolling for ladies instead.
Number two, they bought it because it’s cool. It’s fine if they’ve bought a car for this reason. That means that the designers at the respective automaker have done their job. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m usually wishing I had enough money to buy something like that, but if you don’t know anything about the car except for the fact that you like the look of it, then just say so. Maybe you’ll learn something about that pretty thing that you go to work in.
To avoid this sounding like a rant, I will assure you that there are very nice people out there with very nice cars. Recently I had a fantastic experience with a really nice lady, through simple conversation.

I had been talking to her for about a year as she frequented my Starbucks drive through in a silver Dodge Durango. The only conversation I’d really had with her is between when she paid and was waiting for her order, but I could tell by her opinions that she was into American Muscle. I had no idea how much she actually was, though. That is, until she roared into the parking lot in a gleaming bright yellow 1970 Mach 1 Mustang. Naturally, I had to run outside and immediately express my complete admiration for it. I always wished I could just sit in it, see how well the interior was done, because I had never been in a vintage Mustang before. That is until, one day she walked in just before I was done shift and dangled the keys in front of me. “Want to go for a drive?” she asked, already knowing the answer. That right there, made my week.
Now I’m totally not suggesting that people let complete strangers in their cars; but if you take a few seconds to acknowledge the interest, or talk with them for a bit, you’ll probably make someone’s day.
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m constantly thinking about what my next car will be.
I have a “stage system.” Stage one will start after I’ve graduated college and have a secure job and will probably involve something like a Volkswagen Golf GTI, or a BMW 1 Series. Something fun, relatively cheap, but still practical and fun to drive - with a manual transmission, of course.
I won’t go into detail about the rest of the stages, but there are five and the cars get more fantastic as my (hoped) income level increases. As for right now, I have an affinity for little hatchbacks with lots of performance, a manual transmission, and a good, clean design (both inside and out).
But there’s a problem, this class of car hasn’t hit too well within the borders of our lovely North America. This has never made sense to me, simply because in Europe, Australia, and Japan, hatchbacks are among the top bestselling cars due to them being pretty low-priced, offering practicality and the potential to look really, really good.
So with that, I will divulge right into the topic: “Hot Hatches!” Now, if you don’t know what those are just yet, that’s OK. It just means that the North American automotive industry has kept you nicely under their shadow of V-8 engines, and turbo diesel trucks. The term “hot hatch” was introduced back in the ‘70s with the debut of the 1976 Volkswagen Golf GTI. It was a simple, boxy, three-door hatchback. Available in four-speed manual, it pumped out 110 brake horsepower, which is impressive today, but back in its era, that was astonishing. Essentially, a hot hatch is a car with a three or five door configuration, usually front engine, front wheel drive, with a manual transmission.
From this little VW, the hot hatch era was born. The Golf GTI still exists today sitting alongside its counterparts like the Mazdaspeed3 and the Ford Focus RS. Unfortunately, as I said before, we don’t get many of them here. Between Canada and the United States; there are about eight real hot hatches, where as Europe alone has about 44, and that’s not including Asia or Oceania countries.
Take a look at the 2011 Ford Focus RS, one of my personal favourites. This car pumps out a ridiculous 300 horsepower, out of a five cylinder! That means it hits 0-100 in a blazing 5.9 seconds, only a hair slower than the eight-cylinder CTS-V, and looks really good doing it. The price is quite high, however. Going for £33,490 GBP, which translates into about $54,520 Cdn. That is a lot of money for a two-door hatchback. But when you look at the fact that performance-wise, it competes with cars in the $70,000 to $80,000 price range, it starts to show its value.
If that’s too much money for you, then have a look at another gorgeous hatch. The 2011 Subaru WRX STI starts at $33,395;and you won’t have to move to England to buy one. As for me, I will gladly move to Italy one day simply so I can indulge in Alfa Romeos, Lancias and the like. But that’s just me.

2011 Ford Focus RS LeMans. These special edition beauties in nostalgic Ford racing paint schemes will set you back about, well, the price isn’t released yet. But aren’t the pretty to look at? And the coolest thing, these five right here are the only ones Ford is making.
02 September 2010 @ 11:07 am
I'm tired of always initiating hanging out with friends. Why can't I get a text asking if I want to come over, or go to a movie? I don't understand. Everyone seems to be going out all the time with everybody and I don't. I realize that my reputation isn't the greatest, but come the fuck on... Get over it.

Also, I'm super fucking excited to be back in Lethbridge. I just can't wait to have nothing to do all the time. I feel like a goddamn bum. Constantly running into people I don't like and such.

There's this thing I like to call "coming home syndrome." When someone leaves their hometown temporarily, everyone is always texting and facebooking how much they miss them and can't wait to "get together" or "hang out." However, the minute you come back, everyone is busy or just simply does not respond. What? Now that I'm here, I'm not desirable as a friend? I don't fucking understand, I really don't.

Let's cover another topic. The inane messages saying stuff like "omg, we need to get together," or "hey! let's hang out when you get back." Shut the fuck up. You don't want to. I know you don't because you've never hung out with me in the first place. Don't be a goddamn liar.

I gotta stop leaving temporarily.... Needs to be permanent next time.

Fuck this place.
Current Location: Canada, Lethbridge
Current Mood: pissed offpissed off
15 March 2010 @ 12:19 pm
Its tradition, well... Tradition that I've skipped out on for the past two years. But I'm restarting this now, okay?

Bording the train at Andersen station, we embarked onto the Stampede Grounds without having to pay 27 dollars in parking fees. So already, it was a good day. I had decided to bring my boyfriend and best friend because they've never really been to an Autoshow with as big of car nuts as my dad and I are. So, as my father and I usually do, we're talking about car issues to get ourselves psyched up; mainly the issue of who's going to get the military contract with the United States and Canada now that Hummer is officially defunked.

We arrived at Erlton-Stampede station soon, and walked in to the BMO Centre (I think this venue has changed about 5 times since I've been coming to this show). Right there we could see the Toyota display, and immediatley started making jokes about the recent faultiness of their vehicles. But as we walked through the doors, it was serious time... No more joking around.

I had already pre-downloaded a map of the AutoShow, so I had already been planning my route around the compound

There were a few cars I really wanted to see. One being the SLS AMG. A rebirth of the original 1960s Gullwing Mercedes.

I told the nice British gentleman at the booth that it would have been really cool if they had a '68 parked next to the '11. He laughed and told me that an original in mint condition is about a million dollars.

The new Ferraris were also there. Gleaming in bright red next to their former counterpart, Masterati

2011 Ferrari California

2011 Ferrari GTB Fiorano

"Right, who here can name a Dutch car?" *silence* "Well, there is one, its called Spyker."

And there they were, tucked away in the far corner of the BMO centre, next to the Bentleys, Astons, and Rolls Royce. On the inside, they were stunning, on the outside, they were rivetting. These cars were born from planes. Jeremy Clarkson says you don't drive a Spyker, you wear it.

On the left is the Spyker 8C Spyder, on the right, the Laviolette.

"Uhoh, he's going to get a boner and fall over." This, of course, is my father refrencing to my excitement over one of my favorite cars...

The Nissan Gt-R. You all know the story of this beauty....

Unfortunatley, General Motors didn't have a ZR1 there. They had a Corvette GS, a Camaro SS, and a V-Series. But you all know what these look like, so we'll just move on...

To the Lamborghinis!

This was the showpiece of the three Lambos in the compound, the Murcielago LP640 Roadster!

The car show was overall good, except for the lack of Saab, Hummer, and Pontiac. Dodge had a shitty selection, and the new Ford Fiesta is a piece of shit.

I'll end this with a silly picture of my dad (who works for General Motors) posing next to a Shelby GT500.

That's it for thois journal! I have tons and tons more pictures I didn't post, so just ask me if you want to see something that isn't here!!!
Current Location: Calgary, Alberta